Day 250 = Gym + Swimming + Well, Swimming

I don't mind two-a-days. I'd do them every day if I could work from home. I just like getting out of the house and being active. So I had my gym workout this morning then went swimming for 30 minutes tonight. No idea how many laps that was, so don't ask.

Usually, I come up with my comedy sets and other jokes when I'm running, but swimming does nothing for me. I get so bored. A friend told me that it's more fun to swim with friends, but I can't really put my head around that concept. I mean, do you swim and talk at the same time? Or are you just shooting the shit at the end of the pool? And how can you guarantee that you're swimming with people are are FUN to swim with?

Thank goodness it's just for 30 minutes tonight.

I used to swim with my dad almost daily, and I wonder what Michael Phelps sees in this? He must have the FUN swimmer friends. I was in Key West with Paul last year watching the Olympics from a bar that had naked women on the velvet wallpaper. So that is where I happened to be when Phelps earned that 8th medal from the relay. Ah, now that was a fun trip.

Day 249 = Running + Trapeze

I ran 4 miles tonight. It felt great, and I ran into the Rogue Runners who gave me free water. I'd just like to say, in case I haven't, that runners are generally happy people. I mean, if you work out everyday, let alone run mostly everyday, then you can't help but be happy because exercise naturally releases those wonderful endorphins and reduces the stress hormone cortisol, and I'm always more de-stressed and laid back after a workout. It boosts the immune system and increases oxygen to the brain (maybe why a workout clears my mind and generates ideas?). Exercise helps prevent chronic conditions like heart disease. Everyone knows this, but until you experience it on a consistent basis, you really don't get the full effect of BELIEF.

OK, I'm not really a doctor, but I am a believer that working out keeps me balanced and happy. Runners wave to each other and sometimes can tell where you are in your run just by looking at your face. Runners help you and say hello and good morning when they pass by. Thank you, runners!

Another great core workout I'd forgotten about is a trapeze lesson. I had the opportunity to take one in April 2008 with my friend Amy S. for her birthday. We took the class at The Crossings, but there's now a full time class offered in Austin at Trapeze Experience. I think I'm going to give it a go, or a swing, again. Now that I'm not sick anymore, my mojo is in full effect and I can proclaim with confidence, "Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!!!!!"

Day 248 = Gym + European Memories

Yes - another personal training session at the gym. You're probably tired of hearing about it, but suck it up because I'm about finished with my sessions, and you will get to hear about new workouts then (probably at the gym).

I'm not really sure what to blog about today, so I thought I'd copy and paste an email I wrote when I was backpacking through Europe. Enjoy.

-------------------------------------

From: Heather

Sent: Saturday, August 17, 2002 8:45 AM
To: Mom and Richard
Subject: Stuff from Heather

We are in Inverness, Scotland today, Aug. 17. It's about 2:37 p.m. and we are at the library and waiting for the bus to take us to Loch Ness. We are going to find the monster! We are probably going to tour Inverness either later today and tomorrow before we leave. We are going to Orkney tomorrow and then to the Isle of Skye and Oban/Iona and then back to Edinburgh, where we wanted to stay last night but there were NO rooms anywhere there. And Glasgow and St. Andrews was also sold out. I'd like to also tour a whiskey distillery.

After that, we are going back to Devizes on Friday and Roger and Jan are going to drive us to the Isle of Wight to see Scott for the weekend. On our way home, we are going by Stonehenge and maybe Salisbury. The rest of next week, we are going to Liverpool, Stratford on Avon and Cornwall or Wales. That all depends on if we stop at any of those places on our way back from Edinburgh. Scotland is ABSOLUTELY GORGEOUS. And I hate to say it (don't tell Richard) but I would rather come back to Scotland than England if I had a choice. I just love it here.

I have been journaling a lot and I think I will probably end up having to buy another journal before I leave here! I am running out of pages! I guess that's what happens when you try to find yourself. I've made a lot of observations and I've lost about 5-7 pounds I would say. I still have a fat gut, but the scale says otherwise.

Well, internet time is short, so I will talk to you later. I love you all, and give Ringo a big hug from mommy!

Heather

Day 247 = Walking + Bloatasaurus

I feel like a bloatasaurus. When I Googled a pic for this blog for bloat, the image results were hideous and disturbing. Umm, this one will do.

I got in a walk early this morning. Not sure why I can go to bed at 4 am but still wake up before 9 am. It's not fair. I'm hoping a nap will come my way this afternoon.

I walked to the Mexican restaurant in my neighborhood, had breakfast then did some more walking and went home. I showered, and got back in PJs and it's not even noon.

I have not been eating right for the past week. It's been just crazy bad. I'd think I'd lose weight when I am sick, but I don't think I did. It's all hormonal. Tomorrow is measurements day at the gym, so I'm going to try to avoid that if at all possible.

Tonight at the comedy club, I had my best set ever and hardly anyone saw it! I was on toward the end of the lineup, and every comic I had befriended had either gone home or not even shown up. It was a rainy night, and it turns out that comics don't like to venture out in rain. Evidently, not everyone has a personal goal they're trying to fulfill by doing stand-up every Sunday for the rest of the year. But my friends Ashley and Jeff did come out to show their support. Very sweet of them. And my black blazer did it's best to cover my bloatasaurus belly.

Day 246 = Running + Crafts

I am pretty amazed. After being sick and not running in a week, I pulled out 14 miles today. And I felt good. I could have gone the full 15, but I somehow got off course and missed a mile. Not sure how that happened. It felt like 15 miles. I ran from Town Lake to Far West and back.

I like to use my workout time, when I'm alone running or walking, to come up with my comedy sets. I'd meant to bring my digital voice recorder along on my run today so I could record my thoughts on my set, but I forgot. Need to remember to execute on this brilliant idea next week. For now, I have to resort to jotting down my notes while waiting for Juanita to make my taco.

Tonight I was a double threat with my magic jeans and FMPs. Or so I thought. My friend Hope had a wine glass painting party. I'm ridiculously uncrafty when it comes to stuff like this. I can look at art and describe it and tell you what I like and I can tell a Raphael from a Da Vinci from a Botticelli or if it's a Rembrandt or Michaelangelo or Picasso or Van Gogh or a Monet vs. a Manet. But actually creating something artful, like a wine glass? Well, I suck. SEE????

The party served as way to celebrate my friend Shelli's birthday, and then we headed to Deep Eddy Cabaret. Don't let the name fool you. It's a dive bar. No cabaret action happening. And not the scene for my magic jeans and FMPs. But after a while, we got bored and went to Shelli's house to play her favorite game, Apples to Apples. I gotta tell ya, I love that game, too.

Day 245 = Walking + Vienna

Third day off from work, and I was compelled to get out of the house. Normally I hate being sick, but my mentality about work has really been rejuventated, and I plan on going back with new ideas to meet my goals. So having strep throat also served as just taking personal days. I'm still on my Z-pack and not 100%, but at least not contagious. So I'll venture out to my friend Katherine's baby shower tonight. It's a co-ed thing, like a cocktail party, and Katherine is so cute. She's so tiny but all belly. There's a little girl in that belly, and we all can't wait to meet her.

My 15-mile run is looming tomorrow. I'd planned to really focus on my runs and workouts this week, but being knocked on my ass with strep throat prevented that. I'm very curious about how I'll perform tomorrow. I might just run 11 miles. I'm sure I have that in me. On my walk this afternoon, I felt my mojo coming back. Things are starting to turn around, and my positive outlook is starting to poke out again. As evidenced from recent blog entries, I sink into a negative world when I'm sick, and I'm totally aware of this. I hate being in that place. See that is why I hate feeling sick and helpless and negative.

But a song came through on my iPod that I forgot I had in my playlist today. It was "Vienna" by Billy Joel. I've never really listened to the words, but they had profound meaning to me today. Because I do have lots of ambition and feel trapped in the world I've created to accomplish my goals. It's a paradox. But the song basically says "chill out. you got this."

Vienna waits for you is a metaphor for life. Life is just life. Slow down. I may be ambitious, but that ambitioun won't make things go my way. I have to let go and let God.

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"Vienna" - By Billy Joel

Slow down you crazy child
You're so ambitious for a juvenile
But then if you're so smart tell me why
Are you still so afraid?

Where's the fire, what's the hurry about?
You better cool it off before you burn it out
You got so much to do and only
So many hours in a day

But you know that when the truth is told
That you can get what you want
Or you can just get old
You're gonna kick off before you even get halfway through
When will you realize...Vienna waits for you

Slow down you're doing fine
You can't be everything you want to be
Before your time
Although it's so romantic on the borderline tonight (tonight)

Too bad but it's the life you lead
You're so ahead of yourself
That you forgot what you need
Though you can see when you're wrong
You know you can't always see when you're right (you're right)

You got your passion you got your pride
But don't you know that only fools are satisfied?
Dream on but don't imagine they'll all come true
When will you realize
Vienna waits for you

Slow down you crazy child
Take the phone off the hook and disappear for a while
It's alright you can afford to lose a day or two
When will you realize...Vienna waits for you.

And you know that when the truth is told
That you can get what you want
Or you can just get old
You're gonna kick off before you even get halfway through

Why don't you realize...Vienna waits for you
When will you realize...Vienna waits for you

Day 244 = Walking + Why I'm Not Normal

Still sick. Still home from work. Throat hurts, especially when I yawn. But today I had to get up out this house! I went for a 40-minute walk.

Well, first I opened a bill from Seton Hospital. Seven stitches in the eyebrow is all fun and games until you get the bill for $1248. Hormonal, strep-throat-sick tears in the kitchen ensued. It was pretty horrific. Then I went for my walk.

Normally, working out makes everything all warm and fuzzy again. So I walked. And walked. And waited for the warm and fuzzies to overcome me. I tried to remember that I am very blessed, and this bill is not as bad as it could be. I tried to listen to a fun song, but I just walked around my neighborhood with a scowl on my face. And thought about other shit happening in my life. Errrgggghh.

I get so out of whack when I'm sick. I get out of my routine. I hate getting out of my routine. I'd like to think that I'm flexible and spontaneous, but I think I've been conditioned differently. To the outside world, I have my shit together. But really, I just have my routine because (here comes the A-HA moment) I crave control. It makes me feel safe to be able to "control" things in this plane of my universe. Yes, I put quotes around the word control on purpose. Please, if you will, allow me to live with this false sense of security because I obviously can't afford a therapist, let alone 7 stitches.

OK, so here we go.

I hate to admit that I crave control. I hate it, I tell you. I don't want to be that controlling bitch, but I guess I probably am. I've been trying that mantra "let go and let God" but let's just say it's slow going.

While having a job (albeit in a cube) and having a house to come home to is all "grown up" and signs of having one's shit tightly in tact, it is really just a trap. An evil trap that provides the ultimate false sense of security. And then you wake up one day with strep throat and get all out of the routine and take a look around and are like, "What the fuck is all this for? I don't need 6 dining chairs."

[Earmuffs, Mom]

I can pinpoint the turning point in my life when things got out of control and I had to be the resilient kid and just go with it. Obviously, it was my parents' divorce. I moved around a lot when I was a kid and lived in different houses and went to different schools and made different friends. I even lived in England and had to re-make friends there. Then I came back to the States and had to re-make friends again - twice. I had no choice but to bounce back. It probably did make me stronger, but this is why I do not have kids. Then my dad died, and not to sound belittling or anything, but that was a devastating upturn in my life, which also made me like superhero strong woman. But I get tired of being strong and getting up and doing that everyday. Why can't I just make soup and sandwiches for homeless people on Mondays and then maybe, like, run around Town Lake and nap on Tuesdays?

Now that I'm aware of the by-products of my upbringing (and I've only lightly skimmed the surface of that here), that is the first step. I don't remember being an anxious kid before my parents divorced. But now, I live a life with anxiety because I don't know what's going to happen next. That's scary to me. So my routine keeps me grounded and feeling safe, like I can control something, but "feeling safe" is not all it's cracked up to be. In fact, it sucks. Maslow's hierarchy of needs can kiss my ass.

My craving for safety probably explains my no relationship policy. Well, it's not really a policy, it's more like a reality. Not only do men probably smell eau de controlling bitch a mile away, but it will take a very special man to get me to let down my guard and change my routine to be available for him, and so far I haven't met that guy. I mean, I get all Rainmanny 6 o'clock Wapner about my routine. Plus, I don't want to get hurt and disappointment and drama have run their course. Life is too short for that shit.

So I've devised this plan. Take this blog worldwide and get out of the cube job and sell the house and branch out and take a not-so-safe risk. For this, I need a new blog name, but no one suggested any winners in the contest. So I've been brainstorming and researching blog names the last two days while I've been at home. I have almost 60 names identified. I'm really taking this seriously. Did you know babyfishmouth.com is taken?