Day 239 = Running + Halloween

This morning started out with a 13.5-mile run. I thought I only had to run 11 next week, but some runners in my group reminded me that no, next week is 15 miles. I decided to let that sink in later and just enjoy my breakfast taco.

Carisa came over today and we watched the Texas game while I got her opinion on where to glue the birds on my Ross suit. I made a judgement call to just glue on the jacket because I might actually wear the skirt again. As you can see in the photo, they're pretty much fake attacking me.

We went to a pre-party party then the B party and had a great time. Then decided to meet some friends at the Horseshoe (dive bar) for some drinks since we thought we were getting an extra hour of bar time tonight due to Daylight Savings Time going away and falling back. Well, the Horseshoe wasn't having any of it and closed at the first 2 am, so we went to G&S and closed that bar down. Then a run through Taco Cabana, then 4 am rolled around and it was night-night time. Happy Halloween!

Day 238 = Resistance Bands + My Halloween Costume

After much debate and an exhausting and fruitless shopping spree earlier this week for a store-bought outfit, I decided to go as Tippi Hedren from The Birds. It's a Hitchcock movie, and I figure that will satisfy the "B" requirement of one of the parties that I plan to attend tomorrow night.

I have to run tomorrow and since I figured I had a lot to work on tonight, I was just going to rest my legs and workout at home with my resistance bands. Best investment ever from the Target dollar aisle!

Here's how the costume started. I bought a pink suit for $10 at Goodwill and some green dye at Hobby Lobby for $5. I went home tonight and tried to dye the suit, but the dye did not take to the fabric of the suit. Well, shit. So I got dressed again and went out to Ross. God, I love that store. I bought several suits, but I decided on one when I got home. It's not green, like the one Tippi wears in the movie (which I streamed on Netflix tonight to catch up on details), but no one is going to care because I'm going to rock it out with black birds glued to it. I bought several white feathery birds and some black spray paint and a glue gun, so I'm good to go.

Day 237 = Resistance Bands + Train Wrecks

I got lots of sleep last night. Which is a good thing because I needed it.

So let me give you an update on cougar cub lover (or CCL). So CCL had broken up with his girlfriend when we met and hooked up. I normally don't do this kind of thing; it was a game time decision when it happened. And my sex life has been non-existent for oh, say, about a year. So yeah, I'm 35 and can buy my own bottle service, so if I want to play cougar for a while, then so be it.

This morning I had to fast and give blood for a cholesterol test, so I decided I'd pig out on an egg white omelet when I got to work. I was in the work cafeteria, minding my own business and watching Belinda make my omelet when I get this text. See, I'd invited CCL to a Halloween party two days ago, and he's JUST NOW RESPONDING. Also let me say that I thought kids were all over their phones texting and whatnot these days, but I guess CCL enjoys the art of playing it cool.

If you're familiar with how Burger broke up with Carrie in Episode 81 of "Sex and the City," then you remember what the post-it note said: "I'm sorry. I can't. Don't hate me." Well, his wasn't exactly like that, but he did say the first two sentences. Then followed that with how his ex-girlfriend found out about us and was really hurt and they got back together. And how he's in a rough spot right now. OH, I BET HE IS! I had told him she can NEVER find out about this because it would break her and something about loose lips sink ships. Well, she found out, and I feel really bad for her. More for her than for him. He made this mess. They're both in their early 20s. I give it a month, maybe two. But if we see each other around, we'll be cool. And that's cool. I was getting bored with this situation anyway. And I took a moment to thank God this wasn't me and my drama.

Despite the train wreck, which wasn't mine, today was a good day. Riiiight up until I got home and sat on the couch. That couch magnet gets me sometimes. Just sucks me right into its force field. My ass was about five minutes into the couch's magnetic clench when I thought, "yeah, tonight's going to be a workout with the resistance bands." And it was.

Day 236 = Gym + Halloween Costumes

I can't believe how perplexed I've been about this year's costume. I've had some respectable ideas in the past:

2004 = Dorothy (with Theresa in Denver)
2005 = Skipped it for Dan's birthday
2006 = Gangsta Bitch Barbie and Catholic School Girl (2 different parties)
2007 = Tickled Pink
2008 = Skipped it with Paul in Ft. Lauderdale

Regan and I have been discussing my costume during my gym workouts ever since I found out my friends Kristina and Michael are throwing a Halloween party brought to you by the letter B. For you slow ones out there, that means my costume idea has to start with a B.

At first, I was going to go as Beyonce like in the "Single Ladies" video (song = annoying; video = mesmerizing). I even considered getting some backup dancers like the sketch from SNL.

Then I thought of Baby Fish Mouth. I love that movie, When Harry Met Sally, and everyone I'd mention this to would get it. But then I just wasn't sold on it myself and how I was going to pull it off.

Next - and this has been the winner for like the past 4 weeks - I decided to be Baby Got Back. I was going to put an LA Lakers logo on my cheek and get some pants and write OAKLAND on the ass and stuff my butt. Get it? "LA face with an Oakland booty."

And just this week I'd decided I'd go as Burnet Road and wear a shirt that looks like a road and glue pictures of the funky signs on the shirt to appear like you are driving down the road. I even printed out all the photos. But as the day draws closer, I am still undecided. I make decisions all day, so why is picking a freakin' costume so baffling?

I searched a Halloween store after work tonight for a Bad Cop costume. That seems to be what all the guys on Facebook are rooting for. But costumes out of a bag are cheap and they suck.

Tonight as I'd just crawled into bed, I started getting text messages from my cousin about Halloween costumes. Barbarella. Love it. OK. But we are 3 days from the party, and I just don't see that one coming together. But I was motivated enough to comb through the B section of the dictionary to find something. Here are some ideas:

• bookworm
• bag lady (just cover yourself with grocery bags)
• box of wine (rigged with the bladder of wine from a real box! you'll always have a drink with you)
• binary code - a shirt and maybe pants that is covered in 0s and 1s
• bar graph - make a sheet like a spreadsheet and put a bar graph on it that measures something funny
• butter
• bearded lady - dress really hot but wear a beard
• bedazzled - get a bedazzler and bedazzle an outfit
• behalf - put the letter B all down one half my body
• besides - get a shirt and put Bs all down the sides
• bubbly - put bubble like material on my clothes and bring bubbles to blow
• bubble wrap
• beige - wear all beige
• brownie - like from girl scouts
• bipolar - put a north pole sign on a hat on my head and south pole sign somewhere south
• bad breakup - not sure how to pull this off
• blonde bombshell
• bejesus - get a jesus outfit and put a big B on the front; maybe wear a belt with a bible on it (get it, bible belt?)
• Botticelli - like from Primavera
• belly laugh - get a shirt and write laugh all over the belly part
• black eyed pea - dress like a pea and do a fake black eye with makeup
• big dipper - get a black long sleeve shirt and glue on rhinestones to create the big dipper
• billboard - can say a clever slogan but would be hard to move around in all night
• braille - put a bunch of bumps on my shirt
• Brie
• blue ribbon
• blue blood - instead of covering myself in gory red blood, make up some blue colored blood
• box office - would have to make something using a cardboard box or something
• bridezilla
• butterfly

I think I have my idea. But it's not mentioned here... it will be a surprise for you all!

Day 235 = Running + Facebook UGH

Some people do not need to divulge so much on Facebook. I just made my page as private as possible, and even if you are a friend, I'm not on there telling you all my real business. I have a blog for that.

Tonight after my 4.5 mile run, I was reading some of the comments that people were leaving on my brother's status and one girl said something that was just weird. So I clicked on her name, and BINGO! Her page is open to the public. In her "About Me" section, she uses the generous white space that Facebook provides for writers/poets/songwriters like this woman claims to be to voluntarily divulge how she is borderline bi-polar and has cystic ovaries and cannot have children. There was more, but I tried to not let it rape my eyes anymore than it already had. Seriously. Do some people just not have boundaries? Like, I wasn't prepared to get that download from a Facebook page. Bless her heart and all, but I do not feel like I need that much information about a stranger. And why is my brother her "friend?"

My about me is something like this: "I don't have cable. I love LOST." That's really all you need to know about me. Yes, like everyone else, I like music, but I don't feel like I need to list every single band. No one cares, and I have plenty of other ways to waste my time on on Facebook than to fill in all these blanks.

In July, my ex-husband sent me a Friend Request out of nowhere. It was completely random, since I hadn't emailed him in over a year and a half and hadn't talked to him on the phone in about 4 years, and he doesn't even have my phone number. I confirmed his request because I felt like he can have a free pass to see how fabulous I am 8 years later (this is my current profile pic as seen here). So my mom and I were drinking on Saturday night and saw his status update, so I wrote something on there (yes, it was harmless drunk Facebooking). Then HIS WIFE commented. Um, awkward. She's so insecure (that is my ex-husband's opinion of her last I heard, by the way). Now she's all over his page. I wanted to follow up her comment with a simple, "Homewrecker," but then that would just not be taking the high road. Honestly, I'm not bitter, but it's fun to be a catty bitch sometimes, am I right?!

And another thing...what the hell is the big deal about Mafia Wars or Vampire Wars or Yoville or Farmtown, which my brother talked me into joining, but it turns out I have no desire to cultivate virtual patches of farmland. Shocker.

Day 234 = Gym + Windows 7

The manager at the 24 Hour Fitness where I work out called me today and wants me to come in and give a motivational testimonial speech of some sort to his staff during a meeting. I was flattered, although I don't feel like my results are where they need to be. I want to lose another 10 pounds, if not 20, which I remember weighing in 10th grade and thinking I was SO FAT. Kids just have no idea. NO IDEA.

Tonight, I wanted to be a team player and get a free copy of Windows 7 for my home laptop, so I held a Windows 7 launch party. At work, all I do is manage a Dell/Microsoft lead-generation program, so I am inundated with Microsoft messaging all day long. I am a PC. I'm not ashamed. However, I switched over to enterprise programs (that's servers for you non-tech people) while my colleague is handling client, also known as PCs. If Windows 7 was vomit (which it's not), then she'd be throwing up a little bit of it in her mouth everyday. I used to be in that role and pushed Windows Vista. I actually sat in a meeting with Microsoft execs who looked me in the eye and said, "Heather, you've done more for Windows Vista than Microsoft has." And I was like, "Uh, thanks?"

I invited some friends and decided to just make it a mini Monday night social gathering with beans and cornbread and key lime pie, which I made last night while cougar cub lover checked up on his fantasy football team or whatever.

Speaking of last night, I'm soooo tired. I can't do these Sunday night all night workouts. I'm not saying I'm no spring chicken. I'm just saying that I have a real job where I have to be in meetings and make decisions all day rather than live with two roommates and wait tables and not own a car, like cougar cub. He has no idea, but he's understanding. That's cute.

Fast forward to after the party --> Tonight I had a dream about a little black girl - she was about 10 or 12 and small for her age and she was pregnant, and I was telling her that she had options. We were at the house I grew up in on Bunker Hill. Then a few days ago, I dreamt there was this black guy who looked like the bailiff on "Night Court" but talked like a hillbilly, and he kept asking me out on a date (he was sitting in a truck at one point with his hand on the wheel) and I was like, no, I'm just not feeling it with you. His teeth were horrible, and I have a thing about teeth. If your teeth are bad then you probably weren't loved enough as a kid, and that's baggage I don't want to deal with. Hey, don't judge. I will now let it slide if you order spaghetti on a first date (idiot), but teeth I just don't want to get near bad, nasty, snaggly teeth. I dated a guy for 8 months with a dead tooth who was a sweetheart but I never had feelings for him. Guess what? His parents didn't care about him. See - my theory is solid.

Anyway, are my dreams racist?

Day 233 = Running + Mighty Fine Burgers

Mom and I had a WONDERFUL visit. I mean it. I'm glad she came. She's reading this, and Christmas is around the corner, but she really is just a joy to have around. For a weekend.

So this morning, we were going to go for a walk, but both of us were seriously hungover. Mom's 61 years old and she can still hold her own at a bar. And if there are a few things I've learned from mom, it's how to handle a hangover, or stop the room from moving when you get in bed (in which case, put one foot on the floor; she taught me that when I came home drunk one night when I was 16). This morning, I introduced her to Mighty Fine Burgers and fries (no shakes; the first two have enough calories). Who needs a shake when you have the freshly ground salty beef patty (I splurged for a 1/2-pounder with cheese) with juices dripping and hot crinkle-cut fries? I say you can keep those shakes.

We said our goodbyes at the airport and she said, "Good luck tonight." I said do you mean with comedy or the boy? And she said, "Both." Because she knows I've taken a young cougar cub lover recently. Yeah, we probably share way too much and cross the boundaries of mother/daughter relationship.

I ran an easy run around Town Lake after I dropped her at the airport. It was a slow, hungover 3 miles. But better 3 miles than nothing at all.

Tonight, I signed up for open mic and my set was OK. My cougar cub was there and gave me some pointers. I tell you, I do not know how long this will last and honestly, I don't need to know. It doesn't matter. It's not serious. It's just physical stress relief that duals as a calorie burner. How great is that!?

Day 232 = Running + The Night My Mom Almost Met Ron Howard

This morning after rocking a 12-mile run (and tallying up another PR), I took a little nap and then Mom and I went shopping where she got me some "fuck me pumps." We're thinking a guy made up that phrase. I couldn't wait to wear them.

Tonight we took a cooking class at Central Market, which really meant that we sat there and ate 5 courses and drank about 9-10 glasses of wine and watched some other people do the cooking. At first I felt weird taking a taxi to Central Market, like I was some hobo, but not having to drive after this drunktion paid off.

So Mom has never met a stranger, just so you know. And it's important to know because she is feisty and funny and a "life of the party" kind of gal. And she's 61 and you don't even see it coming when you look at her. We met up with Cori at The Belmont for a fashion show, where we were asked to leave the upstairs rooftop because there was going to be a private party. Having Mom around made the staff more courteous, but it's not like she hasn't been kicked out of bars before. Because she has.

So we made our way downstairs to some chairs because, as I'd predicted, fuck me pumps are for sitting and not for walking.

My Mom met Cori and her husband Trey just after I moved to Austin over 4 years ago when Cori was pregnant with Remi. She just had a little boy 4 weeks ago and looks amazing and even more amazing is that she was out and about. So Cori had a big heart to heart with my mom, and my mom told her about the "peanut butter/sunscreen" story, which we had just reminisced about (randomly) when I picked her up from the airport the day before. And at the age of 35, I can totally relate to that feeling and even thought it was fucked up and I've never done anything like that, I can totally see how something like that can happen. She was like, "I'm so sorry if I scarred you because of that." And I was like, "Trust me, I have never rocked myself in the fetal position in the corner because of that incident." Mom, it is not one of those bad childhood memory recalls. There is only one thing that's made me rock in the fetal position and you had nothing to do with it, and I think you know what I'm talking about here (1992).

Meanwhile, mom made a new friend. Some "producer" in town for the Austin Film Festival and he was totally chatting her up and saying she's just someone he felt connected to. And mom wasn't even wearing fuck me pumps.

I was like, "Do you realize you are speaking to a former Rodeo Queen here?"

So Producer Boy said that Woody Harrelson and Ron Howard were upstairs, and she SOOO wanted to meet Opie. So they concocted a plan to sneak her upstairs (where we'd just been kicked out), but it didn't work out because Ron Howard had left the building. Mom's look on her face was of betrayal. She felt like she'd just been led on. I felt so helpless that my Mom was emotionally raped like that, in like a matter of minutes, by a stranger.

In the taxi on the way home, she was still bewildered. She said she felt abused. I was like, "Welcome to my world. Guys tell me things all the time to blow smoke up my ass. Maybe I'm just numb to it now." I'm glad she got a little taste of her daughter's single life in bars in Austin, Texas.

Then she said, "How'd your fuck me pumps work out?" I said, "Well, didn't really come to fruition tonight because I'm going home with my mom."

She said, "Maybe next time." Aww, Mom. Thanks for the encouragement! I love you!

Day 231 = Gym + Mom

I gotta feelin', that today's gonna be a good day! I know, not quite the Black Eyed Peas song you were hoping for, but it's only 9:30 am.

I worked out at the gym this morning and again, there goes Regan with her compliments. "You look so tiny!" And I was like, "Really, my muffin top is becoming a mini muffin?" We did these squat things over the stool (the one that I HATE) and she was like sit, but don't sit. And I was like, I hate this. And she was like, it's gonna make your butt look good. And I was like, good, because I want my ass to pop out like a shelf, yo.

So after the gym, I went to Einstein's Bagels and actually sat down and ate breakfast and caught up on some blog reading from my iPhone. Then my boss called, and here is where it gets good, y'all, he was like, "TAKE THE DAY OFF!" And I was like, hellllzzzz yeah. See, nice guy!

It's really perfect timing because my mom is coming to visit me this weekend. Here is a picture of her when she was about my age. She was HOT. A total MILF, and I'm just saying that because I know there are men who'd say that but of course I'd never try to impose that activity on my mother. It is my sweet mother, Carol.

Now you know with my spreadsheets and lists and agendas, I have the weekend planned already. First I'm going to pick her up at the airport and then we are going to walk around Town Lake. Tonight we're going to dinner with some of my friends. Tomorrow while I run 12 miles, she's going to walk around my neighborhood. Then we're going shopping and getting pedicures and looking for Halloween costumes and then a cooking class. And on Sunday before she leaves, we're having brunch with more friends and then another walk around Town Lake (she likes Town Lake) and then who knows what. We'll just play it by ear.

Oh - and all the catching up to do. Having her visit is way better than Skype.

Day 230 = Resistance Bands + Uchi

This morning, I was going to wake up early and get in a 4-5 mile run. But it was pouring rain, and my bed just felt so much more, well, comfortable. And warm. And dry. And not outside. I just wanted to snuggle with my pillow. I figured I'd just work out with my resistance bands when I got home tonight because I knew I had a business dinner with vendors (thank you again, Kate and Jeremy!).

Uchi. Just go there, people. I love this place. I hadn't been in a while, and I'm so grateful that Kate made the game-time decision to go there instead of our previous reservation. Words really cannot describe how wonderful this place is. The sushi is so fresh, and then the other little things they do are just.... No words. A moment of silence, if you will.

It really challenges me each time to see just how much raw fish I will eat because y'all, I can put away some serious sushi groceries.

Then Jeremy and Kate showed off their Camaro rental car. Didn't know you could rent the new Camaro. It's really old school inside. I would know because - wait for it - I once had a Camaro with a Z71 engine and T-Tops. In college. In Arkansas. Just let that sink in....

Day 229 = Gym + Efficiency

My Polar heart monitor battery is dead again, and I feel naked without it. I discovered it this morning before I went to the gym. The LED was fading out. But I do have the BodyBugg, which is still much more accurate. But now I have to go to Target or Walmart or somewhere where I have to park and get out of the car and go stand and wait and then wait some more because the person behind the counter isn't the person to change watch batteries and then the person who can shows up and fiddles with the insides just to get the battery to release and then makes me insert and screw/unscrew all the pieces to get the battery to fit because THEY don't want to be liable.

So yeah. I'm going to need a glass of wine just THINKING about that tedium and lack of efficiency.

Today at work in a meeting, my coworkers told me that I had created a science for efficiencies. Evidently, they think I am uber efficient. I shared some best practices and suggestions for this - one being that I just don't answer all my emails. I prioritize. So that combined with my daily affirmation ball that said, "At least I love you," made for a better day than yesterday.

Day 228 = Running + My World

Today at work, I had my bi-weekly one-on-one meeting with my work husband boss. He's usually jolly and happy. Nice man. There I was sitting across the meeting room from him in my new favorite brown boots, a denim pencil skirt and hot pink velvet blazer with my curled hair pulled back (it wasn't a wash day) and he asked me the question he usually asks: "So tell me, how are you doing? What's going on?"

I could feel tears coming on, and I got choked up. I reminded myself, "There's no crying in the boardroom." So I held back.

I told him that I just felt like my work seemed so futile lately, and that I just didn't feel like I mattered. I know. Who doesn't? But I'm lucky to have a job and not about to go elsewhere looking for some other frying pan to jump into. I was like, "Our worlds are not here. When you think about your world, you don't think of your job at Dell. You think of your wife and kids. M and J (my coworkers) think about their families. But here we are, and every day I wake up and my motivation is I don't want to be homeless. So I come to work and do my job and earn my income so I can get back to my world, which is not in here."

He agreed and said maybe one day he'd like to own a resort and watch his kids grow up there and build a life for his family that way. I said, yeah, I'd like to sell sandwiches out of a camper, but I don't need a college degree for that. And even then, I might get tired of it, so I really don't know what my path is. He said he didn't know what his path is either.

I wish I could tell every kid and college kid and young person and even convince my friends or anyone else for that matter to DO WHAT YOU LOVE. Follow your dream. Don't wait! The path that society tries to impose on people - go to school, get a good job, retire and maybe get married and have a family sometime in between - is not the path for everyone. Who's path is it to sit in a fucking cube all day? The only person who likes cubes is the guy who invented them, and at this point, he's probably retired and living at his own resort. Or at least he has a hard-walled office. What I love to do doesn't necessarily require a college degree, other than if I decide to go back to teaching. So why is college so necessary? I guess it's easy for me to say since I have multiple degrees. George W. Bush went to Yale and Bill Gates dropped out of college, yet who do you think has changed the world more for the better?

After the meeting, I left the office pondering this. I ran around Town Lake, and it started to rain. I realized I need to meditate more and clear my mind in other ways. I mean, clear it the fuck out because running sometimes makes my mind wander. I'd been thinking during my run about what is my path? What am I doing here?

I've been holding my breath for years because I finally have to own up to the fact that I am an anxious person, so that is probably getting in the way of my path. As a toddler, I'd hold my breath until my mom let me pass out because she wouldn't let me get my way. I've been diagnosed with sleep apnea, a disorder where you hold your breath while you sleep (not that it is related to anxious behavior). And I hold my breath and take long, loud exhales sometimes at work because it's how I contain my stress. So why am I so anxious? Meditating. Maybe that is where I'll find the answer and calm the fuck down.

Day 227 = Gym + Miss Piggy

Working out everyday for the past 227 days makes me think that I definitely need people in my life who are workout-oriented. Yes, I have great friends who are the antithesis of this, and I love them and will not shun them (in fact, I love hanging around them!), but it's important for me personally to take care of myself. Even Miss Piggy is a diva who takes care of herself.

I can relate to Miss Piggy. Girly girl. Blonde hair. Always chasing after that one frog (or guy, in my case, but he's probably just another frog). Over the top. Sometimes obnoxious. Sometimes vulnerable, but she tries hard to hide that. Karate-chopping flirt. Not a perfect model body (being a pig and all) but very secure in her own skin. She's one sexy Muppet! Miss Piggy is a total inspiration.

This morning I went to the gym and had my measurements taken. Sometimes I think Regan is lying to me just to make herself look like a bad-ass trainer in hopes of convincing me to buy more sessions. But good news is, I'm down a few pounds and several inches and like another 1% of body fat. So much so that I'm in a different body fat category. Regan said that when she runs my numbers without including the caliper measurements, my body fat is 5% lower than what the calipers say. DAMN! I love results! I am doing this for myself, and in this transition I've found that I don't want the bad foods and the alcohol because I don't want the results from consuming these items. It's just a short-term sacrifice for a long-term gain.

Tonight I made this HEB Tomato Basil soup that you make with tomatoes and buy in the produce section - love it! It's only 110 calories per 1 cup serving if you don't add the butter and oil (and instead just use Pam and I Can't Believe It's Not Butter Spray).

Day 226 = Running + More Magic Jeans

Today started out as a particularly un-hungover kind of morning. Remarkable. It started off with breakfast at my local Mexican restaurant where I sat and worked on jokes for tonight because I've committed to working on this stuff in an effort to see if something evolves or at least have some new interesting experiences. Or a laugh.

Then I ran 3 miles followed by a massage by a new guy who I will just say had questionable ideas about boundaries.

Tonight at the comedy club, I decided to wear my magic jeans again. I got there too late to sign up, but the bartender was nice and he got me on the list anyway. MAGIC JEANS, PEOPLE! Magic jeans. However, I just was not feelin' it tonight. So I sat down at the bar and pondered my material, trying to find some connection with it.

Meanwhile, another comic sat down, and we talked a little bit. I didn't think anything of it. Then later I sat down at a small table and put my purse in the chair to ward off any unwanteds, but the new comic friend came right up and sat down with me. He helped me with some of my material, which I thought was just being polite. He stayed for my set, which SUCKED IMO, but I did get some laughs, which is better than several people who went up on stage, which is what my new comic friend reminded me.

Magic jeans.

Day 225 = Running + "Magic Jeans"

Damn my inner compass that doesn't work. I got off my route AGAIN this morning. Not sure how it happened, since I ran that route umpteen times in 2007, and I have a photographic memory, which doesn't seem to work at 7 am. I was supposed to have only run 9 miles, but due to the random detour I made, I ended up running 9.5 miles. I could've done 10 miles, but I just wanted to wrap it up. You know, cuz tacos were a-waitin'.

Today was another legendary match up between Texas and Oklahoma, known as the Red River Rivalry, which is at the Cotton Bowl each year during the Texas State Fair. I've been in Austin for over four years, and this is something one learns upon having one's driver's license updated when one moves to Austin. So I went to a party at Mark's house, who I finally met this year, by the way. He has this big keg party and in the past it's gone on well into the night with flip cup and horse shoe competitions under the moonlight. But he's also got this bull in his backyard, so I made it a point to get a photo with him.

I was wearing my "magic jeans" today, so maybe that had something to do with how the night progressed. I call them magic jeans because they can't be confused with my "lucky pants." After this weekend, I've decided that the magic jeans need a belt because they come off too easy (ahem, I'm losing weight, not that I'm easy) and I need to pass them around to my other single friends like the Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants. Share the love.

Here's why these jeans are magical. In addition to some unsolicited groping and hugging by men I've known for years yet who've obviously never seen me as a sexual being, I was propositioned four times today. I'm just sayin' - it's the jeans, y'all! One guy wanted to know his chances with me, and I said 0.000000000002%, to which he replied he thought he had a chance. Uh, no. You don't. But you're sweet and we can still be friends.

Then, out of the blue, I get another call from a guy I've known for a few years and he wants to know if I want to meet up with him and some other friends we know for drinks. So I did. I wasn't ready to go home yet and take off my magical jeans. So we hung out and I let him be my wingman for the night. I am continually amazed at what comes out of the mouths of men. Amazing. It's normally not what I want to hear. But it is entertaining. Among the things I heard at the bar that night (some of which was captured on my digital voice recorder unbeknownst to me):

Dude 1: "Where are you staying tonight?"
Me: "Probably going to crash on my friend's couch."
Dude 1: "I wish I were that couch."

Then I turned to my friend and asked him to please cock-block me. So while he was occupied with Dude 1, I wandered on the dance floor to dance with Dude 2, who we were calling "Eastern European Guy" all night with his white outfit, white beret and gold chains. I was only dancing with him because it was funny to me, and he was the only one dancing. So he whispers in my ear:

EEG: "Let's go in that hallway."
Me: "Why?"
EEG: "Because I want to make out with you but not right here."
Me: "Uh, no. I don't know you. But thanks." And I walked back to my friend, confused about should I be insulted that this douchebag doesn't want to be seen with me or was he just trying to respect my privacy? Thoughts get blurry with rum, so I'm not really sure what to think.

But the best thing I heard all night was when I sobered up at my friend's house while sitting in front of a fire in his backyard, he says, "Obligatory makeout?" And I'm like, "What did you just say???" And he repeated it, whispering it in my ear. I tried to maintain a straight face. There's nothing wrong with him; he's a nice, handsome man who is fun to hang around. But I just do not want to venture into the shitting-where-I-eat territory anymore, let alone the fact that he used to date a friend, and I'd need her blessing. So I just said thank you but no. I really need to go home.

Sometimes you gotta take the bull by the horns and remember who's in control.

Day 224 = Gym + Lipstick

This morning at the gym, my ass tendonitis was on fire. I had physical therapy yesterday for my hip. My PT said I also had some tendonitis in my glutes. Seriously? I didn't know I could get it there. It stems from the laberal tear in my hip.

To ease my pain, I decided to take the opportunity to go big or go home with a lipstick makeover.

Some people say (well, Leonard Lauder the chairman of Estee Lauder said) that lipstick purchases indicate the health of the economy. It's like how women buy more lipstick in a down economy because it's still a purchase, yet it's not like a $525 pair of Prada strappy heels. I'm looking for the perfect matte nude lip gloss that is nude enough to cover my naturally red lips, which are being a nuisance in my pursuit to look all trendy. Currently, I'm using Prescriptives gloss in "Manicure" but I'm almost out and I think it's a little too shiny.

I love lipstick. My mom calls it the icing on the cake. A spy once had a lipstick gun, which is on display in the Spy Museum in Washington, DC. I'd have one if I were a spy.

I ended up coming home with a set of fat hot rollers, three types of mascara (I can never have enough since my eyelashes are blonde), Lip Fusion in "Glow" and Urban Decay in "Kirk." The picture is of Kirk and yes, the lid is a hologram where you see Kirk take his clothes off.

Day 223 = Running + Back On Track

There are some days when I can't wait to get home to run. And there are some days when I'd just rather come home and melt some Brie on a plate in the microwave and sit in front of the TV with some Wheat Thins all night catching up on Project Runway. Tonight, I was out of Brie.

But after the last two weeks with Kara and drinking almost every night and eating junk food and passing out on the couch a couple of times, I was compelled to get out there and log some miles. So I timed my run just right; I could get in 6 miles and be home in time to watch The Office. Since my Garmin was home charging, I just winged it and ended up running 6.6 miles. I feel really good about that since I think I have a 9-mile run this Saturday, which is actually the beginning of starting to build my peak for the Austin Marathon. I've paid for my registration. I'm in this. And I think I'll be able to pull out a 9er on Saturday.

So I set out on Shoal Creek, which is part of the marathon route, and I remembered why running is worth it. For cheese, of course. And wine. Then I'm reminded that the way home is always the easiest and the time just flies.

Day 222 = Gym + Jokes

Because of the two weeks of Booze Fest 2009 behind me, I convinced Regan to not take my measurements because I had my "month friend." After my workout, I spent about 20 minutes on the Elliptical trainer because I still felt like shit. What I like to do when I'm on the Elliptical is close my eyes and daydream. You can't do this when you're running because of the obvious dangers, but on the Elliptical, my feet are good and stable in the pedals and I can hang on to something. And then, like the hard-core Pisces that I am, the daydreaming to the soundtrack on my iPod begins.

Since Sunday night at the Cap City Comedy Club, I've been itching for next Sunday to roll around so I can get up there again. I don't plan on quitting my day job or hearing from Leno's people anytime soon, but I like to try to say funny stuff because it's something that makes me feel good. Selfish, yes. But it is what it is.

That said, I cleaned off my digital voice recorder and started some freestyle recording. I'll let you know if it's comedy gold or vomit.

Day 221 = Running + This Blog

I am so behind on writing this blog! But does anyone give a shit other than me and my biggest fan, Aunt Linda? Yeah, I'm giving you props today! Thank you for all of your encouragement and your emails.

Kara and I departed on separate ways this morning in Dallas, and I drove home in a rain storm, which the best thing out of that was the realization of "hey, I really DO need new tires." You can't always believe what the State of Texas car inspection people tell you. So there is another grand I have to kiss goodbye. I actually stopped at a combination Pizza Hut/Taco Bell for a last round of junk food. But I felt like crap tonight and went for a run after a 2-hour nap. Can I just say that deer are really freaky at night?

I have a new mantra: Let go and get God. I even wrote it on my bathroom mirror with a dry-erase marker. Kara and I had a lot of catching up to do since the mere two months since I'd seen her. We don't really run out of things to talk about and she makes me laugh. I've known her for 27 years (below are some of the early years), and she is one of few friends who can say anything to me. I appreciate her honesty. While she was visiting, she told me something that was, like, such an eye-opener to me and I was all, thank you for telling me this. You are so right and I have to remember it! So thank you, Kara. Meer.

Annnnd, I will just end with that.

Day 220 = Resistance Bands + U2

One thing I just still cannot believe is that I waited 35 years to see U2 in concert. Tonight the foursome played Dallas in the new Dallas Cowboys Stadium, which is worth the visit on its own. But seriously, I am in love with Bono again. In love with all the U2 songs that I know remarkably well. I wanted to hear my favorite, "New Year's Day," but the fact that MUSE opened for U2 made up for that. And, my brother and his girlfriend drove in from Little Rock to see the concert, too. (that's us right there)

When U2 was singing "Walk On," Bono brought someone on stage, and it turns out he is the husband of one of mine and Kara's friends we've known since junior high school. Small world.

Yeah, this blog entry is kind of lame if you weren't there. BUT I WAS THERE! I SAW U2!

Tonight was the first night in 220 days that I almost forgot to work out. No matter how drunk, tired or burned out I am, I have always worked out. Even if it means doing crunches in my floor before I go to bed. As I was crawling into my hotel bed tonight about to chow down on the chips and cherry chipotle salsa that Kara and I carted with us in my polka-dot ice chest, I saw the resistance band and got to workin' out.

Day 219 = Resistance Bands + Cap City Open Mike

I spent all day Sunday recovering, napping, eating junk food and drinking. Yes, drinking again. I think my stunt liver has taken over. Due to the lethargy, I nixed my run and hit the resistance bands instead. In between all this, I worked on some jokes. I came up with my set yesterday during my run, and I polished it today. Kara let me bounce some jokes off her, and she timed me. Because tonight, you see, I'm getting back on stage after an 18-month hiatus to do some stand-up comedy.

And I did. Because I told Kara and posted it as my Facebook status that I would do this. And that made it all official. But it was about time to reunite myself with other comics because I like to surround myself with funny and interesting people. Also because it's a creative outlet that will create new experiences that I wouldn't get from laying on the couch and watching Desperate Housewives.

I was SECOND in the lineup, thanks to the lottery system. Not my favorite spot, but I was glad to get it over with. A few regulars are sprinkled in throughout, so I was technically 3rd or 4th. I recorded my entire set, which touched on Jerry Springer, Excel, my 8-speed shower head and my mom. I emailed her and a few other people the MP3 so they could feel like they were there. The thing about stand-up is you get laughs at jokes that you just don't expect. I got some laughs and some props, and even though the MC said he'd never seen me perform, some guy in the back yelled out, "Heather's funny!" as I walked on stage. The people at open mike in Austin are just a lot cooler than the ones were in Houston.

Afterwards, Kara and I joined some of the other comics at the Common Interest, which is a north Austin karaoke bar. Guess what I sang?

Day 218 = Running + Mary's Wedding

Remember that shower I threw with my friend Shelli a few weeks ago for our friend Mary? Well, this party group was at the wedding tonight at Laguna Gloria, and pretty much this is where we stayed all night. It was close to the very generous and very open bar and very far away from the chaos and all the people we do not know. Mary was a beautiful bride. I'm sure her photographer took lots of photos. Instead, Shelli's fiance took this one of all of us dressed like we were going to a funeral. That's all I got. "Yo, we wuz up at da weddin" is the title of this photo.

We were in rare form tonight. Rare. And might I add that laughing with friends is just the best thing ever sometimes.

After I had some random conversation with a couple about why they want to get Obama's staff out of the White House, I danced a little with Drew, a friend of Mary and Shelli's, and he invited me to go downtown with him, but I am trying to be more of a lady these days so I opted out of going downtown with a practical stranger. Besides, you can't see them in this photo but I was wearing red patent stillettos and my feet were killing me. So Drew was a gentleman and gave me a ride home. And by gentleman, I mean both lists are still in a holding pattern. And if you know which lists I'm talking about, you are probably saying, "Why?? He was right there!"

I came home and Kara was still awake and overjoyed that pizza was also delivered soon after my arrival. It was like the planets aligned because this never happens. I mean beer and pizza were in my house. Beer. Pizza. My house. AT THE SAME TIME!!!! In case you're wondering how the night ended, I tried to "take a nap" on the cold saltillo tile in my pink Snuggie. "Blame it on the a-a-a-a-a-a-alcohol." (Did you know that Academy Award winner Jamie Foxx sings that song??? Yeah, he paid for studio time for that. And for someone to mix it. And he has an Oscar.)

I did get a 3-mile run in this afternoon. Just thought I'd mention it since this blog -- which I'm convinced no one is reading other than my Mom, Aunt Linda, Amy S., Debbie and my personal trainer, and I am, for some reason documenting this stuff for my own posterity -- is about my daily workouts. Like I'm trying to prove some point.

Day 217 = Gym + Cougars

More planning. Another morning gym workout. I knew tonight was going to be a late night, so I planned my workout for early in the day. I went to see a comedy show with a few friends and then the show's after party. You know you have good friends when they pull you off one dance floor right before you start to become a complete fool and pull you onto another dance floor. I'm sure I accomplished looking like a fool at both locations. I was just letting loose and having fun. If there's a dance floor and vodka nearby, I am not far away.

I blame it on my new "Magic Jeans," which were practically falling off my hips. They looked great with those new red wedge sandals I bought on Wednesday. I think I lost three pounds dancing. I ended up with a dollar bill tip that fell out of my bra later when I was at home. I remember saying to Craig when he gave it to me, "you'll never see this again." And then there was some guy named Biff. I know his name was Biff because we went 5 rounds of me yelling over the music, "your name is really Biff?" His reply: "yes, it's Biff." Me: "really? it's Biff?"

Vodka.

My interaction with men tonight has left me once again bewildered. I was completely oblivious to some of what was going on around me while I was dancing, but my friends told me they'd had some downright rude things said to them. Where do men get off saying this stuff to women? To women they do not even know? Where are their manners? For instance, here's a conversation I got the play-by-play on later.

Friend 1: "Nice reference to cougars tonight." [sarcastically]

Comedy Guy: "I was hoping there'd be a table of cougars tonight and I looked up and the gods smiled and there you were."

Friend 2: "But technically aren't you 40? So we're not technically cougars to you."

Comedy Guy: ...something about how my friends should look him up on Facebook

Friend 1: "You can look me up under cougar."

Comedy Guy: ...turns his back on Friend 1 and says to Friend 2: "You're someone worth looking up and who I could see myself with later tonight."

Yeah. Really.

Of course, later in the night I ran into Comedy Guy, who I'd met once before through a mutual friend, and I told him I wasn't a cougar. I think he said, oh yeah, then show me your boobs. I flashed him the top part of my boob that is also visible when I'm wearing a swimsuit or a low cut shirt. Meanwhile, when it comes to the guy I do like, it feels like blind eye/deaf ear with him. I'm about to give up on you, just so you know.

Vodka.

Day 216 = Running + Lustre Pearl

Planning is key in any goal one might have to accomplish. My goal is still adding days to my workouts, and I'm thrilled I've racked up 216 days so far. My trainer continues to "encourage" (and guilt) me to not drink. I dragged my butt out of bed this morning and ran 4.5 miles because I knew there was a happy hour on the horizon with Amy and Kara.

A new place for me - Lustre Pearl. It's this old house off Red River downtown and it's completely laid back and my style. Colorful plastic deck chairs. Good lighting. Great music. Strong drinks. A taco truck parked outside.

I wore my new brown boots with a flirty blue patterned dress and enjoyed several Crown and diet Cokes and a black bean and avocado taco with queso fresco.

Day 215 = Gym + Boots

Kara is still visiting so I left her asleep in her guest room this morning when I went to the gym. But later I took her to the outlet mall in Round Rock to shop, so I could also join her after work.

I've had a pair of black boots for about 7 years. Yep. Seven years. I've had them updated and renewed every season because I love them so much and they are just made well and I get so many compliments on them. But I figured this year it's time to get new boots. I bought three pairs of boots (2 black and 1 brown) plus a pair of black platform pumps and a pair of red patent croc flats and a pair of red wedge sandals. I am in shoe heaven and I have no idea where I'm going to put them all. But I will figure it out. I will make room for you sweet boots.

On Hold Recovering from ACL Festival

Be back soon with more workouts. Yes, I've kept up with them.

Day 214 = Running + Random Facebook People

You ever get Friend Requests on Facebook from people you don't even know? Of course you do, unless you are one of those freaks who thinks he can avoid being on the grid. Nice try, loser.

So recently, I got this friend request on Facebook. I read this woman's Info page and she goes on and on about her family and how VERY HAPPY (she wrote in all caps) she is and SO IN LOVE with her HUSBAND and KIDS (again, all caps).

Why the fuck should I care, D.P. of Round Rock, Texas, that you are soooo fucking happy? I don't even know you. Aren't you happy enough in your life without having to make a new virtual friendship with me? Is there some emptiness you are denying in your life? D.P., I think you need to probably take a long hard look at why you are stalking a total stranger on Facebook. You're 50, for God's sake. Shouldn't you be established enough by now?

Anyway, then I went for a run. Have a nice day!

Day 213 = Gym + ACL Music Festival

OMG. I don't know what I'm going to do with myself now that I don't have to sleep late, pack a cooler, clean off my rain boots and head to Zilker Park for a fourth day in a row. After the wonderful finale (PERRY EFFING FARRELL!!!!) of ACL Fest 2009 last night, it was actually nice to sleep late and take it easy. And catch up on Jerry Springer. Wait. His show is still on? There are still rednecks and white trash among us?

I did fit in a workout with Regan at the gym today at 3 pm. Someone asked her if I'd start coming more regularly at that time in case I liked that time slot. And Regan was like, "No, Heather has a real job." But yeah - I'd love to sleep late and work out at 3 pm. It's not a bad idea. I'd also like to win the lottery and travel the world. How can I outsource an assistant in India to get right on that for me?

Since Kara and Amy W. met in Lake Tahoe on a ski trip in 2007, they've been MySpacing and Facebooking and emailing ever since. I love bringing people together and seeing friendships blossom. This is us yesterday at ACL (Amy, me, Kara). They are both a lot taller than me. Or I'm just a shorty.

Tonight, Amy invited us (and our other friend Jennifer) to join her for dinner and chit-chat at her house where she made salad and ravioli. Good times. And thank you, Amy Love, for your genuine southern Alabama girl hospitality!

Day 212 = Walking + Pearl Jam

Day 3 of the 2009 Austin City Limits Music Festival, and I am rallying. I plan on just counting this day and the last three days as a big, fat workout of walking. Walking in a lot of mud, which by the way contains treated waste. I am thanking my British stepfather Richard for me wellies I've had for 20 years now.

My personal anticipation has been for this day and for the headliner tonight: Pearl Jam. And they totally delivered. I've loved them for years. I wore out a cassette tape of "Ten" when I was in college and driving back and forth along the Pig Trail. However, I really wanted to hear "Yellow Ledbetter" because it's probably my favorite Pearl Jam song, but they rarely play it live. Like how I just gave you two versions of that song? That's how much I love it.

But you know what, Pearl Jam? I'll forgive you for that. I'll forgive you because PERRY FARRELL FUCKING ROCKED THAT SHOW!! I love Perry Farrell and I absolutely LOVE Jane's Addiction. "Nothing's Shocking" is most definitely an album I would take with me on a deserted island. He came out during the encore and sang "Mountain Song."

I love this photo from ACL Fest of Eddie Vedder on his knees as Perry jumps in the air, just fucking rocking it out. I was reading somewhere where someone wrote Pearl Jam is one of my "childhood favorites." Shit, I'm getting old.

Day 211 = Resistance Bands + Mute Math

When you are ready - and you need to be prepared for this - but when you are ready for your ears and your mind to have a completely spiritual experience (like the feeling of when-you-have-to-pee-really-bad-and-then-you-do-and-you're-just-like,-AHHHHHHH,-now-that-could-not-have-come-at-a-better-time-or-I-thought-I'd-lose-my-mind kind of feeling?), then listen to Mute Math. That drummer is just pure awesomeness.

I'm not saying they are my favorite band, but I really, really like what they are throwing out there. Of course, I also have Miley Cyrus's "Party in the USA" on my iPod, so it's really just my opinion, and maybe not even a persuasive one at that.

Anyway, I'm telling you - Mute Math. Listen. And Kara and Amy and I sat in our chairs in the rain today at the ACL Fest listening to them. I had on my rain boots and a poncho on my legs whilst sitting in my chair under my Marilyn Monrow umbrella (a birthday gift from Aunt Linda). I was completely chill and loving this band.

Tonight, after much partying, I worked out with my resistance bands. Plus, there is something to be said about trudging around all day at the ACL Fest in Zilker Park in the mud.

Day 210 = Gym + Kings of Leon

Remember how I said there are things I don't like at the gym? Today, I discovered another one. I don't like working out at 9 am when I'm really, really, really hungover. I only lasted 35 minutes and then almost scratched my eyes out and pulled my trainer's eyes out, too.

If I had a dollar for everytime I'd said, "I'm never drinking again..." well, I could probably buy a steak dinner or something. But this morning was one of those times.

However, a nap can really turn things around. Today was the first day of the 2009 Austin City Limits Music Festival, and my 5th year to attend. This year, my dear friend since 1982, Kara, flew in to drink, stay up late, eat junk food and listen to music with me. By the way, there's an app for that.

We saw lots of bands, and I showed Kara how festival-ing is done with a rolling cooler and folding chair. After arriving mid-afternoon (remember, I needed a big nap), we caught Phoenix, Raphael Saadiq, John Legend (who was SMOKIN HOT), a little bit of Them Crooked Vultures, Andrew Bird and then the headliner, Kings of Leon.

It's damn near impossible to meet up with people at ACL Fest. The crowd is just huge, and I'm, like, where do these people come from? Kara and I got lucky and met up with several of my friends. But toward the end of the show, it was just us two chillin' out in our chairs, drinking beer and enjoying the beautiful night. I sat there and looked at the moon while Kings of Leon was playing "Use Somebody." I had a conversation with the (almost) full moon. I was all, "Moon, you know about my crush, and I am crushing on him so bad, and I can't stand it. Moon, you know I am not good at playing it cool. So you've gotta put him in my life again. I mean it!"

And y'all, I opened my eyes and my crush WALKED RIGHT UP TO ME! Out of fucking nowhere. Out of the crowd that had been dissipating. He materialized. You could have knocked me over with a feather, and the shit-eating grin on my face was probably overkill, but I was JUST thinking about him. He was like, how are you doing and hugged and kissed me and I was trying to play it cool like all I could do was jam to Kings of Leon, who I've seen like three times before. Kara met him and thought he was cute. I was just so thrilled I couldn't stand it. He told me about his trip to Vegas and I told him about my girls' trip, and we talked about the festival. Then I felt the urge to get away and not blow it so when he walked back to his friends, Kara and I decided to bail, but I think the show had ended. It's hard to say. It was all such a spiritual surreal blur to me that I was just sitting there using The Secret, and it worked!

I wanted to leave so it wouldn't look like I was just lingering, but I SOOO wanted to linger and to hang out with him more. We went back to the Elks' Lodge and met up with some friends. Crush wanted me to text him about where we were going to be later. So I did, but I just went home. Too tired. Did not want to start the day tomorrow like I did today. Plus, I could go home and try to "play it cool," which I am absolutely awful at because if I like you then I want you to know. Dude, I like you.

Day 209 = Resistance Bands + Kara

So Kara arrives today. Via airplane, since her road trip plans were foiled by a stupid body shop in North Little Rock, which will remain to go unmentioned (North Point).

Last year she was here for about a week and then in 2006 she was here for about a week in the summer. I remember that's when I learned to make paella and sangria. For the past 3-4 years, we've met up at least once in the winter to go snow skiing. Kara's pretty good, but she's been patient with me, and now I'm skiing double-blacks. This pic is from 2007 at Heavenly in Lake Tahoe. The thing about Kara is if you suggest a drink, she's all over it. Apres ski? Also a yes.

So I picked her up at the airport - bless her heart, she'd been waiting for almost 3 hours because I couldn't get away from the magnet that is my desk chair. From there, we had dinner at Bess Bistro (Sandra Bullock's restaurant; new menu, and it's much better!) and then drinks at Key Bar (courtesy of my friends at CBS) and Molotov, then met up with Kristina and Michael at Rio Rita.

It is amazing that I was actually able to remember to work out today. But I did. With the resistance bands.